Today I found myself standing astride (what a great word!) my bike as the snow flurried down around me and was filled with an inexplicable feeling of contentment. I locked Cthulhu up and went to the laundromat while the boy went to go explore dumpsters. I had defeated the fearsome and oft out of order beast that was the change dispenser and was in the process of becoming aggravated that the vending machine was out of detergent when this skinny lady wearing giant headphones and dancing and rapping while she was folding her clothes offered me some Tide.
“Wow, thanks!” I said, grateful and happy that she had noticed my silent irritation.
“Don’t even worry about it girl!” she said and went back to her dancing and folding.
I did a couple crosswords and began making my own, and started planning for the as-of-yet-nameless-bike-group planning meeting (laundry time is great for planning!). So the bike group is even closer to getting started, as today we stopped and talked to the lady who does the after-school art program in our building about getting some build-your-own-bike classes going and she was totally down. So I am pretty happy about that! And I got paid today for the writing I did last month which is always a good feeling, to get paid for something you actually enjoy doing. It has occurred to me lately that I have a problem truly believing that I should get paid for anything that I don’t hate doing. The idea that paying work should be crappy and suck the life out of you is so deeply ingrained in my consciousness…it’s really pretty bogus.
I worked out and played a bunch of guitar and sang a bunch of songs and they sounded pretty good if I do say so myself. I found myself wondering why exactly Courtney Love became famous, and shaking my fist at her in imaginationland and warning Kurt that she was only after his money; that anybody could sing Doll Parts.
Then we watched Gladiators starring hottie mchotterson Russell Crowe and I had a great time making fun of the boy and comparing him to Commudus, mostly just because clearly every guy who watches that movie thinks that they are like Maximus. Then we had a discussion about whether Commudus was really that bad of a guy; as Marcus Aurelius said, “your faults as a son are only my failures as a father.” How much are the actions of an individual solely their responsibility, and how much do they reflect back upon their family, their community, their society? I wonder if we started looking at bad behavior and poor decisions as symptomatic of a larger societal problem as opposed to an anomalous individual problem if we would all sort of ironically start taking more responsibility for our personal choices and actions and becoming more aware of our interconnectivity and how our choices and actions affect everyone around us?
Somehow this led to us talking about what it means to be successful in life and what our goals are and I said that I was just waiting for inspiration to strike to start working on my children’s books and the boy said “well, you might be waiting until you are dead, then,” and I found that statement to be quite inspiring so am now adding working on my children’s book (of which I only have a vague notion of its premise) for at least 30 minutes a day to my list of resolutions. Mayhaps I will call it “THE LONGEST RUN ON SENTENCE IN THE WORLD ABOUT ADVENTURES AND FEELINGS AND RELATIONSHIPS AND THINGS”.
Finally, I have been failing pretty hard at my resolution to quit eating sugar; my low point came two days ago when I bought a discount can of green frosting for 50 cents from Aldi’s and was eating it straight out of the can, no utensils. But I am doing ok today if you count eating half a box of chocolate jello pudding and a chocolate and peanut butter protein bar and drinking 2 glasses of chocolate almond milk as not very much sugar….ahhh whatever at least it’s better than cigarettes!